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About Kip Flock, MSW
Apex Resource Center was created to support people and organizations in change. In this era of escalating human flux, we must continuously heighten our effectiveness in managing the challenge of intensified contemporary demands on our emotional and interactive lives. ARC Services for Human Effectiveness aim to replenish the gap between the distress of what no longer works and the hope of what might be - what we must release and what we aspire to create. Kip Flock has created the Apex Resource Center in the spirit of an ongoing culmination of the most effective strategies for emotional competence and competent influence in the dawning of this new age of life long learning.
Life Coaching & Upcoming Events
A coach has the questions. You have the answers. As your coach, I'll help you discover how to deepen the learning and forward the action in your life, please call me for a complimentary telecoach session. Tel. 570- 743-1055.
I will be facilitating Sierra Tucson's Healing The Healer Clinical Training at Miraval Spa, Tucson, Arizona (Oct.21- Oct. 25, 2002) Phone: 800-842-4487 for information, also found at my website.
I will be facilitating The Inner Child Clinical Training Ipswich, England (Sept. 9-13)
Kip Flock, LCSW, BCD Psychotherapist, Personal and Professional Coach - (570-743-1055) - P.O. Box 384, Hummels Wharf, PA 17831-0384 -
Next Newsletter
I welcome any contact with other examples of shame in daily life. I'll use those in future news letters, if you would care to share your stories.
Next Newsletter- Shame Buster Sequence: 4 Steps for Breaking Shame Spirals |
Dear Friends!
We need to recognize shame in it's vast influences on the familiar moments of our lives. We fail to name shame routinely as the source of our distress. You might ask, "So what?" The answer- we can end up spending enormous amounts of energy, time, and resources solving the wrong problem.
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How We Fail To Recognize When We Are Derailed
For years I assumed that self defeating thoughts and feelings were a pizza deficiency. So my solution was to surround myself with as many slices of pizza as I could for as long as possible. Instead of making myself feel better about me, I actually lowered my self esteem-gaining weight and increasing health problems.
I attempted to solve self devaluing beliefs by creating a bigger problem- more self contempt. John Bradshaw talks about "toxic shame" in "Healing The Shame That Binds You". He uses the analogy of a fish not knowing that it is in water until it gets out of the water. Most of us don't know when we're in a shame spiral, since shame operates undetected at the core of our identity. We then attempt to do things that will ease our deepest sense of defectiveness, only to prolong or intensify our distress. As John Bradshaw says, toxic shame is a "being wound" that can't be healed by doing things.
Who would guess that a run to the friendly neighborhood pizza place could possibly be part of my life derailment? So how do we get out of the shame soup and recognize that we are alienated from ourselves- our needs, wants and life vision? How can we give up human doings to become human beings? The solution is in accepting and loving ourselves just the way we are. The more the fish struggles to solve the problem of muddy water, the more murky the water becomes.
We can only calm the waters of self doubt by "giving it a rest". "Letting go" is simple but not easy. The first step is awareness- detecting the presence of shame as it lurks in the familiar, just outside of consciousness.
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